What is My Hart's Passion?

That's a great question and something that might require a journey to find out. How do you know your "heart's passion"? Did you read a book that created that inspiration? Did a profound event occur in your life that sparked that feeling? Did you find out that there is something that you are obviously a "natural" doing and when you do that one thing, your life is touched in many ways? Or is it something you do that touches those lives around you? Did you start down a journey to health and find out that you wanted to help others do the same? Or did you visit a mystic place and somehow the answer came to you? Now I'm not talking about passion in a relationship, although that is important, I'm talking about the thing that lives deep in your heart that drives you or brings you such joy and satisfaction. My daughter and husband drive me but in different ways.

I thought I knew what my heart's passion was at one time but as I look back, maybe it wasn't my heart's passion. Maybe it was just something I received a lot of enjoyment from doing. I used to love to do crafty things, like create personalized greeting cards, shadow boxes, etc. And I haven't really done that too much over the last 3 or so years. I do it now and again but nothing that I really carve time out for these days. I went into a papercraft store the other day, looking for something for a gift, and was overwhelmed by the amount of new stuff out there... new techniques... new wares. I felt like I've stood still for years and the crafting world has passed me by somehow. I felt lost in that store and amazingly overcome with... was it fear? Was it sadness that I didn't get that giddy feeling I used to get when I went into those places? I'm not sure.

Recently I met with an old friend of mine. She is close to completing a "health" journey... losing over 100 pounds. And she is passionate about helping others do the same. She is becoming a health coach and is wanting to help others get healthy. She asked me to rate 4 areas in my life: Relationships, Work, Spirituality, and Physical Activity. Rate them between 1 and 10. That was a difficult exercise for me.

Relationships: 6 or 7. My relationship with Jon is good. We have our moments but for the most part, it is very good. Marriage is difficult, especially in the first years, especially if you have "baggage" from other failed relationships and family interactions. We came in with our share of Samsonite. Then we had a baby within the first year of marriage and 6 months later, took my mom in. Then sold our house and bought this one and took on additional financial stress. So a lot of changes in four years so I'd say we are doing DARN good at this point. Other relationships? Well, my relationship with Shelby is the highlight of each day. My relationship with my mom is like any mature mother/daughter relationship... a bit strained and weird at times but not too bad. Most of the stress there lies in the fact that she lives with us. I almost have no relationship with my brothers but I've resigned myself to the fact that having a sister is just not something they really want I guess. It hurts but it is something I've faced for my entire adult life so it isn't new. Friendships? I have a couple of close friends but that has been a point of frustration for me over the last 6 years I guess. I've had friends that I thought were lifetime friends leave my life and that is a tough pill to swallow. I've found myself distancing myself from friendships over the last several years because I just don't want to get hurt any more.

Work: I think I gave that a 9. I LOVE my job. I love what I do and I love my boss (in a non-romantic, he supports my aspirations kinda way). I'm starting to do more creative things relating to Product Marketing and I truly see a career path moving in that direction and away from technical writing. I've done some wonderful things at my job that I am extremely proud of and can't wait to do more! I'm engaging with our customers by providing client webinars and that is very fulfilling. I work closely with the VP of Marketing on ads, sales campaigns, etc. and that is fun for me as well. I'm hoping 2012 will be the year I become a Product Marketing Manager!

Spirituality: I gave that a 4. I have beliefs. I have hang ups with religion and how hypocritical it can be. I let that stand in between me and a relationship with God. Spirituality and religion ARE NOT the same thing and that is what I need to keep in my mind. I need to get past my past and create that relationship with God. I can't let someone else in my past stand in between me and Him. That is one that needs A LOT of work. And I need to figure out how exactly to go about doing that. And some might say "go to church" but going to church doesn't necessarily mean you are spiritual. Many people use church as a "check box". Check, I did that this week. But then they live their lives in such awful, mean and hypocritical ways.

Physical Activity: I gave this a BIG, FAT ZERO. Other than picking up Shelby and chasing her around the house, I am not active at all. This is something I need to work on a lot as well, for my health and well being. I know last year I planned on becoming more healthy. I did for awhile but then gained some of the weight back and continued to get overwhelmed with life's day-to-day activities and let myself down.

My chat with my friend made me think more about my mortality... my heart's passion... my lack of passion for many things... and my lack of love for myself at times. I want to take a journey to be more healthy, to discover more things about myself and my relationships, to discover a relationship with God and to find my heart's passion. How will I go about doing this exactly? I have no clue but I will make a commitment in 2012 to find out how! It may not be glamorous. There may be times that are frustrating and there may be rewarding times. I have no idea what I'll do to get there but I will make a true effort to try extremely hard to figure it out. It may be right in front of me or already in my life! Tune back in and come along for the journey...

Side note: When finding a graphic for the blog post, I came across the rose quartz heart. To learn more about what it means (which is fitting for my post), go to http://clearquartz.net/rose-quartz-heart/.